Yesterday was a wonderful day for springtime golf in vancouver…. I went out with 3 friends who were from out of town ( Alberta….Cowboy Country) and hit the links with cigars and a couple of flasks of Lagavulin.. We didn’t have perfect weather but this is the beginning of March in the pacific northwest so being armed with light rain gear and waterproof footwear was just about right. I’m not one to see how much exercise I can get while I’m golfing so I suggested we rent golf carts… Plus…. Its way easier to smoke cigars while riding rather than walking…
We played on a course by the Fraser River on the south side of Vancouver where the drainage is taken very seriously and ended up having a day of relatively mud free golf. Mud is something you get used to in our city, especially in the winter, and when the rest of you are shoveling snow out of the driveway, we’re working on our short game. Hey, thats one of the rewards we get for paying so much to live here….. Wanna have some fun?? Check out the real estate prices in Vancouver and compare it to the price of a home in Flint, Michigan….. BIG difference.
The greens were a bit slow, weather was comfortable enough and the pace on the course wasn’t too bad but one thing we kept seeing was a lot of geese on the course. Canada geese are big and beautiful but they can make a real mess of a golf course in the winter. The good thing is that they are usually unconcerned about golfers and at one point in yesterday’s round I wondered how Alfred Hitchcock’s movie “The Birds” would have turned out if it would have been thousands of Canada Geese attacking Tippi Hedren. Not pretty…. Nope, not pretty at all!!!
After having a bit of a snack after the front nine we decided it was time to light up the 4 Maduro 5′s I brought along. With just over 4 inches and a 40 ring gauge, these were a perfect cigar for golf ( I hear that said a lot though, maybe all cigars are the perfect golf cigar)…. These have a very well balanced chocolate, almost mocha flavor and were a real treat with the heavy peaty Scotch. I was just grateful that there wasn’t any wind…… I don’t mind golfing on a cool windy day but I hate to see a good cigar go to waste in the wind…. It just doesn’t work!!!!!
The 14th hole was a beautiful par 4 dogleg left that wraps around a rather large pond, leading to a well guarded green. The first three up all had fairly decent drives but trouble started when I stepped on to the tee box and topped my ball and watched it fly through the air at about 3 feet off the ground and into the neck of a Canada goose that was part of a small flock walking across the fairway 50 yards away. This poor thing didn’t fare well and started beating it’s wings against the ground but couldn’t get air bound. We didn’t think it was going to make it and so we decided to pull forward and put it out of it’s misery with a sand-wedge. That wasn’t going to be necessary……. A bald eagle came out of nowhere and pounced down on the poor struggling goose
We have a large number of bald eagles in Vancouver all year round. The late autumn, early winter is usually the time when you see the most because of the dying salmon that carpet the riverbanks after spawning.. A real banquet for scavengers… When I come back to this earth I want to be a bald eagle…. or….. maybe a cockroach… I’d hide behind the stove and food the size of volkswagens will come falling out of the sky.
The eagle had the goose by the neck with one of it’s talons and wasn’t making a move as I approached with my wedge ( I was voted to be the goose exterminator )…. Nice……. Bald eagles are a lot bigger and meaner looking when they’re up close than when you see them soaring overhead or perched high up in a tree… This one was giving me the ” One more step and I’ll tear out your liver” kind of look so I had to rethink my plan for a humane end to the goose’s life.. Maybe there wasn’t going to be one… This was getting to be a terrifying experience and what made matters worse was that the Albertans thought this was the funniest thing they had ever seen.. I didn’t see any of them get out of the golf carts….I didn’t think this was going to be as much of a problem as it turned out to be.. I had 3 issues to deal with..
1…… this Eagle wasn’t budging an inch as I crept closer….
2…… my cigar was going out in the golf cart…..
3…….That was a brand new Pro V 1 sitting about 4 feet away from the 2 big birds…
You can now see the predicament I was in……. The other three thought it would be best to leave the big noble black and white bird with his lunch but I wanted my new ball……… I lost the vote..We drove away…….
I was now lying 3……………………